What was it William?

"Three-quarter length, full face, wearing tuxedo, right hand to cheek. Printed above and below image: Samuel H. Carter presents / Hilliar / The Master Magician. William J. Hilliar (1876-1936) emigrated from Britain to the U.S where he was founder and first publisher of the magazine "Sphinx". A masterful showman, he appeared in varieties and circuses throughout America. Hilliar committed suicide in 1936. William George Alma (1904 - 1993) was a magician, collector and manufacturer of magic apparatus." [Victoria State Library]


What was it William? Were you struck by the fatuousness of your existence? Was there some sort of realisation that the whole act and sales work meant that you were a failure in your parents' eyes? Did you get rejected by a girl? Was the journey into your middle age impossibly depressing? Were you ashamed of something? Did some disease process ravage you? Did your looks and the limelight fade? Or was it an accident and you were just out to get some attention?

Suicide. It's a bit like religion in that most of us never really contemplate it deeply, we just skirt around its edges, equally attracted and repulsed. Can't look away. Wonder.